Throughout our lives, we (will) all experience hardships and situations where we feel overwhelmed, trapped or stuck in and with pain, either of physical injury or pain, or of life experiences that are overwhelming and scary. Yes, of course, everyone does…

When we do get stuck or trapped, it is often because our thinking about and concepts of what is going on get in the way of the natural movement of and through what is painful. For example we think that we’re not supposed to feel bad, or not to feel bad ‘this long’, or we are ill equipped or not used to having (physical) pain. Or we never learned how to be with it, or we believe that it is impossible to ‘get out of’ something, because it’s been with us for so long.

The practice of Focusing suggests that we do something like ‘turn towards’ what we’re experiencing with openness, curiosity and non-judgemental interest. It’s not easy to do, (so no pressure). And it is often easier when someone is there with us. Preferably someone who knows how to ‘get out of the way of’ the natural process that is trying to happen, and who can offer the kind of presence and patience that we might not possess in the moment.

Nevertheless, even if you are by yourself, and nothing else is working, it wouldn’t hurt to at least give it a go. So here is a list of statements and questions that you can try out when stuck or trapped inside (physical or emotional) pain – see below.

When you try them out, see if it’s possible not to have too much expectation of what or how it’s going to change or not. Allow yourself, also, to just take a little time to really check if something happens with one (or more) of those. Pick one you think you might like and try saying it out loud, or inside, at least a few times in a row and wait and see if something stirs or shifts a little inside. If you pick one doesn’t seem to do anything, after a few tries see if there’s another you might be curious about, and try that one out.

• “What’s it like to be this trapped/stuck/overwhelmed [or whatever the right word might be for how you are feeling this moment] right now” or
  • “What is this pain like“
• “Can I be present to this pain in some way?”
• “What am I believing [about myself, about the world, about (my) life, about this situation, about pain, about being trapped/stuck etc.] that might be keeping me stuck in/with this particular pain?”
• “How would I describe this … if I do so as if I had never experienced it before?”
• “Is ‘trapped’ or ‘stuck’ or ‘pain’ [or whatever word or description you’re using right now] really the ‘right’ word/description, if I allow IT to let me know how IT feels from its point of view?”
• “What is the crux of this whole thing/this pain?”
• “Something in me is feeling really [trapped/stuck/pain -whatever the description right now is] right now”
  • “… and I am noticing just how …. it feels”
• “What am I fighting (against) right now, in all of this, that I can notice and become curious about right now?”
• “I am turning towards and being curious about this pain with interest and curiosity”
• “I am turning towards and being curious about something in me that feels … [insert description] with interest and curiosity”

Sometimes we find a favourite that seems to ‘always’ work. Other times it seems like it’s good to have several ones to choose from

If you like, let me know in the comments how it went, and if you have other, similar sentences that work for you (as this list is far from exhaustive)