About Focusing Partnership (Sensing Parthership)

When you have done the Introduction to Felt Sensing and With-Sensing series (or if you’ve taken a similar Focusing course with someone else), you will be able to do Focusing and listening (Felt Sensing and With-Sensing) with someone else who has also done this, in an equal partnership. In principal it should be possible to have such a partnership with anyone who’s mother tongue you speak.

Partnership guidelines

To make a partnership go as smoothly as possible, and to respect it as a Focusing (Sensing) partnership as opposed to it being a regular friendship conversation, there are some guidelines:

  • Confidentiality: Everything that happens in a Focusing session (Sensing session) is confidential between the two of you. Maybe clarify how you will both make this commitment the first time you meet.
  •  Time
    • Divide the time equally between the two of you
    • The listener keeps track of the time, and gives the Focuser a signal at the agreed time (without using the Focuser’s name)
  • Before the session starts:
    • Be interested and curious about what works for you both, as Focuser and listener
    • Find out what you wish from each other as Felt Senser and With-Senser (Focuser and listener):
      • You might like to take some time to settle in together in the “we-space” before starting.
      • The Felt Senser (Focuser) might want reflections and suggestions, or just reflections, or silence etc.
      • The listener might like for the Felt Senser (Focuser) to let him/her know if any of that changes during the session, whether they wish for more or less of something, etc.
      • The Felt Senser (Focuser) might like the listener to do a settling-in or lead-in (this counts in the time of the Felt Sensers (Focusers)  session)
  • During the session:
    • With-Senser (Listener): be there with everything you are, and maybe acknowledge something that comes up in you during the session if it seems to completely take your attention away from the Focuser
    • Felt Senser (Focuser) : remember that you don’t need to explain to the listener, but that the main thing is your being there with what is
  • After the session:
    • Do NOT talk about the content of the session unless the Felt Senser (Focuser) specifically asks to. You can talk about the process, though
      • Content: “I was so touched when you talked about your mother, I have a similar relationship with her”
      • Process: “I was struck by how softly attentive you were to the part that felt so scared, I want to try that some time”
    • Do NOT give advice! “Maybe you should try EFT with that problem”. “I know this great fysiotherapist near you, I’ll give you their number so you can get some help with that back”.
  • Leave a space between the sessions. Take a bathroom or tea break, or some time to take some notes or stretch or something between.